Every year in the United States 3,650,000 students graduate high school, and 1,700,000 of those students go to college the following year. In Colorado alone, there are 62 colleges to choose from. Choosing what to do after high school is the most overwhelming decision to make. Which college, major or scholarships should I pick? Where do I start and where will I end?

I’m talented at music, so I thought I would do that, but I’m also good at math, so maybe I should be an engineering major. There’s not much money in music, but engineering is such hard work. Would my parents be proud of me if I did music? Maybe job security is more important to me. What happens if I can’t make enough money? What would I do?

I recently got a therapist. We did the usual spiel of her asking me why I was there, and I told her that I have been struggling with feeling like I’m never enough and feeling like I’m lost. I told her that I’m scared about college, and that I can’t decide. She asked me what I wanted to do in college, so I told her that I can’t decide between engineering and music. Engineering is a huge passion of mine and I love problem solving and designing, but music is my biggest talent. Ever since I was young I have loved finding solutions. Fixing an issue is one of the greatest feelings, and it’s something I know I can do. On the other hand, I know I’m a skilled musician. I could make a career out of something I love doing, and I could pursue a life that people dream of. I’ve always felt like people expect me to do great things musically, but what if I get there and change my mind? 

My therapist told me that I just need to discover what’s right for me, so I am trying to decide. I am visiting schools, and I’m exploring different programs. I am trying to find what is right for me. People always say that things will work out and that I don’t need to worry, but I don’t quite think that’s true. There are so many ways that just four years can affect me. How can I know for certain whether or not I’m making the right choice?

I think that making decisions like this takes time. Even though it feels like the future will be here tomorrow, I know that I have time, so for now I’ll think and worry. Even if it’s difficult, and it makes me terrified, I know that I’ll have to decide.

The future is scary and uncertain. I don’t think I’ll ever know if I’m making the right choice, but I’m not sure that I need to. I want to say that it will all be fine, but I don’t think it’s smart to not worry about a decision this large. I don’t know what I’ll end up choosing, but I do know that the worst choice is none at all. So I’ll keep moving forwards even if it’s terrifying.