If I died on the way home from school, I want my mom to know I am sorry my room is still not clean. I planned on cleaning it when I got home, but things have changed now. I want her to know that my attitude was never meant to hurt her. But no matter how hard I tried my voice came off “mean.” She should know I will miss her hugs and her doing my hair. I want her to know I never want to let her go. If I die when heading to my boyfriend’s house, I want him to know his secrets are safe with me, and that I will miss his family. If I die heading to my dad’s, he should know I will alway be his baby girl and that I will visit him through the music we used to listen to together. If I die while visiting my grandma, I want her to have mochi and to keep being crazy. If I die when going to see my stepdad, he should know I will miss giving him bear hugs and him teaching me how to fight.
If I die, I want Noah and Mason to do a youtube challenge like we always used to do. I want them to hug one other and pretend I’m there with them. If I die, I want DeAndre to hear stories about how I could make him fall asleep in minutes and have him laugh by making weird faces. To all my friends, if I die, don’t post weird edits of me unless I look cute. If you are ever in a pinch, you can swear on my life and I won’t care. If I die, I want Madi to know she will always be my bestfriend and I will miss her laugh. To the teachers who have let me know them, if I die, know you helped me see things and made me want to learn. I am sorry you will not get to see me go on.
To god, if I die suddenly, where will you put me? In heaven or hell? I have prayed some days and stayed silent on other days. I have asked to be forgiven for my sins and have kept doing them. Where will I go when I die? If I die, I want my heaven to have hot & spicy sandwiches with extra mayo from McDonalds. If I die, have the universe make me into a willow tree. I also wouldn’t complain if you made me the song “Think Of Me Once In A While, Take Care”. To the all knowing who I don’t have a name for, did you not know I was going to die this day or did you plan it?
If I die, I want the thing we call luck to make sure it is painless and quick. It should know I am grateful for the times it has helped me get out of bad situations.
If I die, I want myself to know it will be okay. I want her to know she was important and that she will be missed. I will tell her this everyday of her life to the day it ends. Her inner child is scared but ready to see what truly happens. She will get to see her family and her friends on the other side that she misses. She will be welcomed with open arms.
If I died today, I would not be ready. There is too much I have to say. But when I die, tell the things I couldn’t. Because death doesn’t wait for you; you wait for it.
