Three years ago, I learned how to embrace new things. I learned how to adapt to the new schedule due to COVID, and how to work in my room and be semi-productive. I remember I had never had a desk- I figured my room didn’t have enough space for it- but I found a free white IKEA desk down the street and dragged it back to my house, using Clorox wipes to clean the stains from the previous user. It’s covered in new stains now, charcoal burn marks run down the sides of the table from the times I grew so bored from my classes that I held a lighter to the fake wood, just to see what would happen.
Two years ago, I learned how to work hard. I learned that nothing good comes easy. I learned how to fight through pain and spend every day in the gym while my friends were out. I learned how to challenge myself, how to choose to take the difficult classes rather than easy ones, and then I learned how to excel in those classes. I kept each page of notes, diligently written the night before, with pink highlighter running along the top of the page to guide me.
One year ago, I learned how to love. I learned how to give myself over to someone, unapologetically and fully. I learned how to sit in the middle of the road as the sun’s rising and how to sneak out at 1:00 A.M. on a school night to look at the stars. I learned how to say yes rather than no and how to fight for what I want.
Nine months ago I learned how to fill up my gas. I couldn’t find the switch to open the fuel access door and fumbled around until I was able to pop it open. I filled it up only three quarters full while leaning on the edge of the car, eyes locked on the numbers on the screen as they clicked up. I didn’t know that your tank automatically stops filling when it’s full, and I couldn’t figure out how everyone just guessed. When I thought my tank was almost full, I pulled the pump out without shaking it. A little leaked out onto my feet, and I was sure I was going to blow up. Then I drove away feeling like an idiot with a not-full tank and $30 left in my bank account.
Three months ago, I learned how to find myself. I learned how to sort through what I love and what I’m good at until I figured out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. My parents told me it looked better for colleges if I had dreams and aspirations. I learned how to apply for schools, how to embellish my accomplishments so that they would seem major and unique. I learned how to figure out where I want to go and what I want to do and who I want to be.
In three months, I will learn how to choose. I want to have a future where I can be successful, even if that means leaving people behind. So I will have to choose, and I hope that everything I have learned throughout high school will guide me to make the right choice.
